Women

Something “small” prompted me to write this. At least, it started small, but it’s reminded me of something big and wonderful.

When women don’t compete with each other; when we see each other as precious and valuable and feel no need to compare, or tear down or crush, the results are absolutely beautiful.

I’m not a “feminist”, I never have been, but I despise the way women are “set up” in society to see each other as the enemy, or the competition. It’s just been engineered that way, and it’s the norm now. Not with our friends, of course. We love our friends and would do anything within (and without) reason for them.

But women we don’t know: well, they’re to be eyed with suspicion. If they’re not trying to steal our husbands/boyfriends, we’re competing for the same job. If they’re not after our job, they’re prettier than us, or have longer legs or are more successful. Whatever. They’re not our sort of person and warning bells are going off.

And the problem is, it’s contagious. People tend to treat people the way they’ve been treated. A woman is treated that way by a woman, and in turn treats another woman that way, who then treats another woman that way… on and on it goes, getting bigger and bigger, sweeping more and more people into the sinkhole. It catches on and spreads like something ugly and aggressive until it becomes unspoken and normal – something diseased that’s woven into the fundamental fabric. But it isn’t normal! And it wasn’t supposed to be that way.

As an off-shoot from our Facebook page, about a week ago we started a Facebook group. It was intended to be somewhere more intimate – a way of not losing touch with people when FB is making it so hard to be seen, and a way of connecting with people via something that is inherently remote and impersonal. At the time of writing, there are 713 members. To the best of my knowledge, 712 are women. Also to the best of my knowledge, most were strangers before joining. I’m sure some people already knew each other but, for the most part, people started as strangers.

I am astonished at what is developing.

It is a place where we celebrate joy, where we laugh and make bad jokes, and it’s a place where we support one another. If someone is having a bad day, or if they’ve lost someone, or are going through something and they mention it, I can almost guarantee that they will get a string of replies from gorgeous women encouraging them and empathising with them and offering to help. It’s the same if they want to acknowledge something wonderful, no matter how small. And this is widespread across the group without a single exception. Not one single example of anything other than kindness. It’s utterly magical. I also believe it’s also how it’s supposed to be amongst women.

A wonderful lady mentioned that she’d been lonely before joining, and that’s changed now. That matters so, so much. Facebook – maybe even the world itself – is remote; it’s hard to make actual connections with people now. But that’s precisely what’s happening. It’s hundreds of women, being generous with their time and their love, to people they didn’t even know a week ago but now think about and cheer for.

It’s reminded me of what fellowship amongst women is like if we forget what we’ve been “trained” to think, and just accept each other precisely as we are. Groups of people will bond over a common interest: hobbies, dreams, experiences… in this group, the common thread is that we want to acknowledge and seek out happy, and the loveliness of the group is, I think, borne from the wellspring of that.

I feel so blessed to be a part of it.

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7 thoughts on “Women

  1. What a lovely post! I’ve found this with social media. I’m really blessed to be in similar groups. I left a real life flesh and blood group because of all the bitchiness, gossip, cliques, rules, judging, etc And this was men and women. Now I’ve found solace and new, real life friendships through social media, not too mention life changing opportunities! I’m thankful everyday for it! 💖

  2. This is fabulous I LOVE this =D I have a fear of groups now because of previous bad experience and have seen some horrific cases of bullying and intimidation, manipulation and envy. Sometimes people are just too darn quick to be nasty (especially women to other women) and it’s absolutely vile some of the things that are said and done, especially in relation to social media use.

    I have “met” some beautiful women online, some I consider to be my best ever mates, some I admire but most I get a right good giggle with or share some happy with now and then. BUT I am still nervous of groups going wrong because these experiences stay with me!

    I’m glad your group is a happy place, maybe I’ll pop over for a visit ❤

    1. It’s funny you say that – I’ve always avoided groups for precisely the same reason… it’s not an easy thing to get over, really. And it makes you so wary of people. It’s very healing seeing the opposite! Big hug to you, honey. x

  3. This is the exact reason I have often gravitated towards male friends throughout my life. I have a small group of close female ‘forever friends’ but often enjoy time spent with male friends as it is free from all that nonsense! Luckily for me my hubby doesn’t mind what sex my friends are and the same goes for his friends but I know not everyone has that luxury.
    I have often felt recently that the feminist movement can really prove this point (my personal experience and not dissing anyone personally) and I have been made to feel less than I should be women who are supposedly ‘standing up for our rights’. I don’t feel i need other women to speak for me and tell me and the world how I should feel about anything. I can do that for myself thankyou!
    I have experienced workplaces where the bitchiness is ridiculous, every one is lovely in front of each other but someone’s back is barely turned before it starts.
    Treating others how we like to be treated is exactly how it should be 🙂 Be nice to each other ladies!

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